Alone Time

Maybe you're spending longer than strictly necessary to get ready in the morning. Maybe staying in the car some extra minutes after everyone has gone inside the house. Maybe you dart out for a jog.

There is a big emphasis on the topic of "self care" in recent years, and increased acknowledgement of introversion or recharging by being in solitude. As an introvert myself, I've always seen the benefit of sitting alone in a quiet room, or sitting alone on the patio before the house is awake, or taking a solitary walk.

But we're never really truly alone, are we? When we think or say (or even yell - just me? No?) "I need some alone time!" perhaps what our heart is really seeking is quiet time with Jesus. After all, if we find physical solitude and silence, he is still right there with us; we have only left the world behind.

Psalm 139:1-18
You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

When I read that portion of Scripture, I sometimes think of how the Lord is looking on everything I’m doing and saying and thinking, and sometimes that feels a bit invasive and judgmental.  But increasingly as I grow and mature in my faith and my responsibilities increase (read: stress levels increase) I’m hearing this list of how God sees me as remarkably comforting and relieving. Almost like something has been taken off of my To Do list.

I know, with my brain, that I should be setting aside quiet time with Jesus. Reading the Bible, doing a Bible study, memorizing Scripture or journaling Scripture or keeping prayer lists, etc. But when I look at my calendar I can’t find a place to fit all that scheduled time, and then I feel guilty. And the guilt piles on top of other guilt and suddenly I feel about time with Jesus the same way as I feel about my dirty dishes. That can’t possibly be a good thing.

But here, God is telling me He sees me. He knows my words before they’re on my tongue. He hems me in.  He is with me when I awake. His presence is not dependent on my ability to “make time” for him, and he doesn’t only see me by appointment (which is excellent - I’m horrible at making and keeping appointments.)

When I reach the end of my string, when all the marbles have gone loose and rolled away, when I’ve got to leave my house before I say something I’ll regret out loud - Jesus goes with me to my “alone time.” He’s both inside the mess I’m running from and outside, ready to accept whatever disaster I bring with me. It’s often not pretty. It’s often tears, or anger, and it’s always definitely more than I can fix on my own. If I could have fixed it alone, my human pride would have done so already. But if I finally find some solitude, there he is with me. And that is how I find solace in those moments - it’s certainly not from my own company. I’ve already failed myself, that’s how I got into this frantic state of mind in the first place!  

In Romans 8, there are many illustrations and explanations of God’s love for each of us (I’d encourage you to read the whole thing!) including two very poignant for your alone time.

Verses 26 and 27

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

are excellent for when we’ve run out of all coherence. We don’t even know exactly what’s wrong or what to ask for, but we don’t have to! 

And verses 38 and 39

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

speak to how nothing can take away God’s love. We can be as tangled and flawed as we can get, and still God is there patiently watching and helping. If death and angels and the entirety of creation cannot sway our Father’s love and acceptance of us, than one single solitary human’s mistakes certainly cannot either. 

Take your alone time. Take your cup of tea or your running shoes or your locked bathroom door and get away for a few minutes. Know that while you’re separating yourself from stressors in your day, you are also running to special quiet time with the One who can help in any situation. To the God who loves you unconditionally and truly sees you at every moment of your life.