It's Not Them, It's Me

A recent visit with a dear friend who is also a mother naturally led to the discussion of our children. Talking of schedules, to do’s, school, and activities gave us a chuckle when we both ended up admitting that our daily, difficult task of simply getting out the door with four children in tow (with the appropriate clothing and belongings to boot) could happen altogether more smoothly if we (meaning ourselves) simply woke up earlier. 

How many times has it happened after we have reached our destination that feelings are hurt, tensions are high, and forgiveness is needed… from both parties. Sure, the kids *should* have listened the first time. But was I paying enough attention to follow through with discipline as I should have? Yes, we had to search too long for a shoe, or a sock, or a mitten. But could I have had everyone prep the night before to prevent this in the first place? I have gotten so caught up in who didn’t do what when they should have or yelling at everyone until tears are streaming and anger is rising that I missed the chance to pause, reflect on my own actions, and stop the chaos in its tracks. Surely this isn’t the only situation where I have conveniently blotted my name off the “needs-to-improve” list. 

What other areas in my life do I feel the need for vindication? If I am truly honest with myself, am I the one that should come forward as the guilty one?

When the children were complete terrors by the afternoon, was I the one who needed to take a break from my to-do list or mindlessly scrolling on my phone and spend some quality time with them?

When my husband isn’t doing anything right, am I the one who needs to communicate better or surrender the control that I feel the need to have over everything?

When I am feeling that I just deserve some “me time” because of all the sacrifices I make for everyone else, am I also the one who needs to remember what I, as a sinner, truly have earned?

There seems to be a little bit of a trend here, and the problem isn’t them. 

The problem is me.

Have you found yourself stuck in a similar pattern? It can be easy to fall into the habit of ignoring our own sin, and even more difficult to crawl back out of the hole we’ve dug ourselves. It’s a comfortable place, in our cozy cavern of ignorance. And the world supports us there! There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not assaulted by these selfish worldly ideas on social media, on TV, and in advertising. But when we look to the words of our Father, what does he tell us?

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:2

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world -- the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-- comes not from the Father but from the World. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” 1 John 2:15-17

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.” Matthew 5:13

Fortunately for you and I, we have a Savior to not only direct us to the right path to follow but to also give us unending forgiveness for these faults. Let’s see what he has to say about his endless grace.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions -- it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:4-5

When we are feeling the weight of a sin we can’t seem to stop, we can cast these cares to our Father and embrace the washing of forgiveness again and yet again. We can look to his Word to not only help us recognize our offenses, but to provide us with prayers of confession, reassurances of forgiveness, and guidance for our futures. The devil may be trying repeatedly to bring us to his side of this war, but we have the power of God on our side to help us overcome and win! 

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” Ephesians 6:14-15

Remember that each day is a new one, full of God’s grace. Today I’m thanking him for the endless mercy he shows me in regards to my shortcomings which I so often blame on those around me. As for getting up early and leaving the house on time? I’m trying. Hard. Somedays I succeed. Some I fail. After all, aren’t we all works in progress? ;)

Looking to take it a step further? Check out this pdf for some practical steps to work through your own pitfalls, asking God to help you be honest with him and yourself as you go.