Self-Worth: Our Fickle Feelings and Focus
Dear Christian sister, how do you feel about yourself? If you’re like me, your natural tendency is for your opinion of yourself to vary from day to day and even moment to moment. We women tend to feel more or less valuable based on everyday occurrences such as these:
My jeans don’t fit anymore. (less valuable)
My boyfriend/husband surprised me with a romantic evening. (more valuable)
My defiant child keeps making poor decisions and getting into trouble. (less valuable again)
I got some terrific feedback at work. (more valuable again)
At times when I’m feeling down about myself, I often look up Bible passages that tell me I’m loved by God, like these:
But now, this is what the Lord says…“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine…You are precious and honored in my sight. (Isaiah 43:1,4)
Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:31)
[The Lord] will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49:16)
But I have a feeling that I’m not alone in saying that, while these passages help, sometimes they don’t get me to stop my negative self-assessments. Why is that?
Dear sisters, I believe that this is, at least in part, due to our focus being misdirected. When we are focusing on being good enough, caring for others enough, and meeting the impossible standards we tend to set for ourselves, we are falling into a trap. Even though our intentions may be good—to set high standards for godly living out of love for Jesus—we may unwittingly become too preoccupied with ourselves. And focusing on giving ourselves or receiving positive affirmations, while helpful for low self-esteem, can make that preoccupation with ourselves even worse!
God gives us a solution in his Word. Yes, he wants us to believe his expressions of love for us. But he also tells us to focus on him, rather than ourselves, in passages such as these:
Set your minds on things above. (Colossians 3:2)
Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)
Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. (1 Chronicles 16:11)
The message we women receive from our culture—“believe in yourself”—is always going to fall short. While a positive and godly self-concept is a good thing, our view of ourselves will always be too fickle when it is focused on our actions and on the actions and reactions of the people around us. God calls us to something bigger and better: a focus on him and on what he has done for us.
When we focus on God, we think about his love for us, which he has shown in SO many ways! We are moved to respond by showing love for him in return. And that is what we concentrate on—loving God, praising him, drawing closer to him, and loving others as he has called us to do. Thoughts focused on God and on Jesus’ loving sacrifice for us chase away the anxious thoughts in our minds and replace those thoughts with thankfulness and true joy.
It is important to read passages about God’s love for us. But it’s only when we shift our focus from ourselves to Christ that we gain the freedom and peace we are looking for. And, sisters, I believe the practice of refocusing our minds in this way will be well worth the effort it takes.